The signs of advanced momhood

I've been reading "Chicken soup for the Mothers soul" and thought this way funny.
Not that I feel I've arrived to the advanced stages of "mommydom" but some parts apply. Like the "free time" in the bathroom and the last one. ha!


Maybe it starts when you realize rock concerts give you a headache. Or that you’re offering to cut up other people’s food.

You’ve reached a new level of motherhood. All the warning sign are there. You know you’ve crossed the threshold into advanced mommydom when:

You count the sprinkles on each kids cupcake to make sure they’re equal.

You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke you’re sons favorite toy car and made him cry.

You have time to only shave one leg at a time.

You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

Your child throws up and you catch it.

Someone else’s kid throws up at a party and you keep eating.

You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.

You’ve mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.

You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child bites his toast into the shape of a gun.

You find yourself cutting your husbands sandwiches into unusual shapes.

You can’t bear to give away baby clothes – it’s so final.

You hear your mother’s voice coming out of your mouth when you say, “Not in your good clothes.”

You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

You use your own saliva to clean your child’s face.

You say at least once a day, “I’m not cut out for this job,” but you know you wouldn’t trade it for anything.