Too Funny!

And I'm not gender bashing. There are both sides!

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very

Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into

The house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,

"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or

Mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the

Other is a husband.

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a

Card with the letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must

Tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of

Chardonnay."

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!

You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN

THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are

We going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!

Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen

To me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!

Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.

You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.

USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?

You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you

What it feels like when I'm driving."